A Bad Case of Perfect Timing

“This Hays county morning is glowing like a Carolina rose// and it’s warming all the station trains and cars, but I’m as cold as any stone…”

-Blue Water Highway Band, Hard Time Train

Two years of working towards nursing school finally culminated in a denial letter. And a 3-year-old-style temper tantrum.

My advisor and I pored over my transcripts. Everything was right, and the only duck that was slightly out of place was my science GPA: a 2.9 out of the necessary 3.0. So. Frustratingly. Close. He told me, “Everything looks great. But there’s something holding you back just a bit. The timing just isn’t right for you this year, Jessica.”

So what to do when your well-laid, hard-worked-for plans come undone?

Even as a cradle Catholic, discerning God’s will purely and completely is something that I’m just beginning to practice, and in all 20 of my years I am nowhere even close to calling myself wise or well-versed in the heart of the Lord. He’s a big, fat mystery, that guy, and He has a knack for taking our well-made plans and tearing them apart. But that’s because He has something more in store for us. I’m reminded now of Mary, the Blessed Mother. At age 15, the angel Gabriel came to her and told her that if she said yes, she would become pregnant with God’s only son before she was married. This baby would go on to save the entire world. It’s hard for many of us to imagine how terrified she must have been, particularly at the expense of potentially being left by her fiance and shunned by her community. But she gave her yes to God in Luke 1:38 (aka my FAVORITE). And He handed over to her the fate of every one of our lives. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that even if we have thoughts of terror and failure, He has thoughts of peace- not of evil. So no matter how much He tears our plans up, He’s going to rearrange the pieces into something so much more fulfilling than we can imagine-all it takes is our yes, and His perfect timing.

This is so much easier said than typed. Quite frankly, trust is a difficult thing, particularly in society today. As humans, we have the ability to be emotionally and spiritually broken because we are promised things that are never fulfilled. In the human anatomy, whenever something a bone is broken or a muscle is torn, the cells that help it to heal, heal it much stronger than before. But it doesn’t necessarily heal correctly, and it’s not exactly perfect like it was before. Our spirits aren’t metaphorically that different from bones or muscles. We heal, and we heal tough, but not always correctly. Often, after so much healing and so much toughness, we forget how to trust in anything except ourselves. This can be detrimental to having faith in God because not only is He outside of ourselves; we need to trust in His timing. By trusting in Him, giving Him our yes and doing His will for us, He heals us in the most wonderful way and fulfills every desire that lies in our hearts. Because of that reason, we can hand things over to Him and be more than okay. Control freaks, go ahead and re-read that.

I could go into so much detail about all the things that have happened to reassure me that I’m meant to stay in San Marcos for another year. Quite honestly, I’m very excited to pursue a minor next year. I’ll have one more year with my friends and sorority sisters, one more year to prepare myself for the grind of nursing school, and one more summer to be an orientation leader. I have no worries that next year, when I reapply to Texas State’s nursing program for Fall 2016, I will be accepted. There are still doubts in my heart for me to work through, but I’m doing my absolute best to not be a control freak and give God my purest yes.

I’m sure that down the road, I’ll see why I had to put off nursing school. Perhaps my minor will advance my career in a way that wouldn’t be available to me until later. Maybe God needs me to touch the heart of a specific peer, coworker, or patient. Or maybe He’s just teaching me how to grow in faith, patience, and trust. Whatever it is, I’m treating everything with a healthy dose of prayer.

“But those Carolina roses, oh they’re growing up the tracks of my despair…”

-Blue Water Highway Band, Hard Time Train

Thanks for reading, Sizzlers 🙂

Jessica

Jeremiah 29-11

Long Time, No See!

I’ve officially decided that 16 hours worth of pre-nursing prerequisites is too much!!

I’m so sorry that I abandoned y’all the last few months, Sizzlers! I’ve missed crafting and blogging so much! I plan on actually sticking to blogging now- NO MORE LONG HIATUSES. Especially not three month-long ones. I missed crafting too much. But, after a very long ride on the study struggle bus, I’m hoping the fruits of my labor will pay off because it’s officially time for me to apply to TXST’s nursing school (real life? What?).

God has really come alive in me throughout the semester, as well. I had developed mild depression and anxiety over the summer, and it got much worse during the beginning of the semester. But, through many blessings both big and small, he has come to show me that I deserve so much better than the place I was at during the beginning of this year! It was very hard for me to see in the beginning, but he has built me up so much and really shown me what it means to have childlike faith. I don’t recognize who I was when I started my sophomore year, and it has been a remarkable journey: my depression is completely gone and I’ve never felt happier! My anxiety is still sliiiightly there, because nursing school is stressful. But that’s tolerable, and He’ll give me the patience and grace to work through it…hopefully. On top of all of it, I’ve been blessed with a wonderful new group of friends who raised me up and stood by my side during all of it!

I’m a proud active member of Mu Epsilon Theta Catholic Service sorority and am so blessed with the girlfriends and sisterhood I have there!

My lineage!! My "twin" Sabrina (aka Mario here) and I are littles to our Big Natalie, who is above us. Our Grandbig Mari is on the very top!

My lineage!! My “twin” Sabrina (aka Mario here) and I are littles to our Big Natalie, who is above us. Our Grandbig Mari is on the very top!

My family went on a cruise (my very first one) over Thanksgiving, and it was grand! I can’t wait to go on another one. I spent most of the ship days studying for my nursing exam, but I passed with flying colors (and got to see Jamaica and Cozumel) so it was all worth it!!

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The final thing I wanted to tell you all about is the beginning of my essential oils business!! If you’ve never heard of essential oils, let me tell you: they are a wonderful thing. They’re a holistic alternative to healthcare, and they work wonders!! In my experience, lavender and peppermint oils stop a headache almost immediately as opposed to popping an Advil or Tylenol. And that’s just one example!! I’m a Wellness Advocate for a company called doTERRA, so if you’re interested in learning more about essential oils, you can contact me and visit the essential oils page in the menu up top, which contains a link to my essential oils website where you can purchase your own oils. There’s an oil for everything- feel free to ask me for advice!

I’m ecstatic to be back in the blogosphere, Sizzlers! Thank you for bearing with me during my break, and I’ll be back to sending tutorials your way very soon! ❤